Into the ether - or - fumigation damnation

It all began yesterday morning around 9:00. The air outside smelled vaguely like nail polish. The apartment next to ours was being renovated, so I supposed such things were to be expected. Shrugged it off and came back inside with the dogs.

Within the next hour or so, the smell intensified and was slowly creeping into our apartment. Thinking myself clever, I placed bags of cat litter against the bottom of the front door, turned on the bathroom fan with the door open, and opened the sliding glass doors in the back, as the air seemed fresh on that side. There, that should take care of it.

By 11:00 the stench was nauseating, pouring in from every direction. We closed everything up and retreated to the upstairs bathroom. Thankfully, the dogs were safely sealed away in our bedroom, so we left them there. Mom ventured out to see what was up, and apparently the sealant for the countertops was what the trouble was from. She started to head to MrMissT's room to let him know, but upon opening his door she discovered that his windows were wide open and the smell almost knocked her out. She yelled at him to close them, then went back outside seeking fresher air. I was slumped against the bathtub when he came in, looked at me in all seriousness, and asked, "Why is the smell coming in when I have the windows open?"

*blink*

Now, I realize some people think there's no such thing as a stupid question, but there is. And this was one. I looked at him in confusion. Was this a trick question? A code for a genius escape plan? Was I being inducted into a secret society set to rid the world of harmful chemicals? No, he was really asking me this. As he continued to wait for my reply, I finally snapped out of my shock at his idiocy and said, "From the air??!!??!!" I made it into a question to emphasize the lunacy of it all, but that was lost on him. He simply nodded and asked if I minded if he shaved.

I checked to make sure the dogs were okay, then joined my fearless maternal leader outside. It was much better out there. My head and stomach still hurt, but at least my lungs weren't burning. We were commiserating over how awful this was, when the door opened behind us. I turned, but immediately turned back around, for behind me stood a terrifying figure. Chunky black clogs supported scrawny, bare legs, which led up to droopy, saggy men's underwear, hanging under a slight gut, which failed to pull notice from the tiny, hormone-induced breasts, which really stole the show, I gotta tell you. Shaving cream on the face topped it off, almost making you miss the glare on the bald head in the sunlight. Oh god. MrMissT came out in his skivvies, looking like a reject from the Rocky Horror cast, there for all the world to see. I couldn't contain myself, I walked away laughing loudly, while my mom sat on the front step, shaking and quivering from her chuckles. Good god, it was awful. How I wish I could have taken a picture, though. I mean, that's what the internet is for, right?

Eventually he went back inside, dressed quickly, then jumped in the car to haul ass to the mall. That coward bailed on us. Whatever. As we sat there, a girl from two doors down ambled by. We told her what was going on, but her main concern was that it wasn't something really gross, like "poo." No, we said, it's chemicals. "Oh, I don't mind that. I just can't stand bodily fluids." We gave noncommittal grunts and nodded. Umm... decaying organic matter is indeed gross, but it won't harm you like CHEMICALS!!! But whatever. She opened her door, then turned to us. "It smells in here too, but I don't mind. It smells like candy! You ladies enjoy your day!" What the fuck kind of candy is she eating that smells like that?!?! The whole building was a huffer's paradise! Some people, I swear.

I went in to get the dogs and bring them out. They were confused, by went with the flow, as they tend to do. We could hear the cats crying inside, though. We don't have any harnesses or carriers for them, and they never go outside, so they had to stay in. It was heartbreaking. I did go in and get Ti at one point, brought him out for bit, holding him. After about two hours it finally became bearable inside. We opened all the windows, turned on all the fans, and eventually the smell dissipated.

I swear to the universe that when I have the means to do so, I am donating money to EVERY environmental organization in the WORLD. There is no way that such substances are good for anyone to inhale, and I can only imagine how much of this shit is released into the atmosphere on a daily basis. This greatly interferes with my plan of never getting cancer, lemme tell you. It's awful, it truly is. Agent Smith's speech from The Matrix, about the human species being a virus, played through my mind. Good grief, that evil computer-generated douchebag was right! >:/ I was pissed.

I needed comfort.

I needed a sandwich.

You may, perhaps, recall my predilection for big sandwiches. Those delis in places like Pittsburgh and NYC that make those huge sandwiches with all kinds of fillings are an inspiration. I jumped in the kitchen, got cooking, and ended up with this:

Why, hello there.
That is two slices of Dave's Good Seed bread, 1 Gardein chick'n scallopini cut into pieces, Alexia Foods chipotle sweet potato fries, sauteed red onion and mushrooms, lettuce, and my own pseudo Russian dressing, consisting of ketchup, Vegenaise, onion powder, garlic powder, and dried basil. It was tangy, sweet, and a little spicy. It was perfect.

Then Bunnychan told me about the Vegan Black Metal Chef. What?! I love this guy, he makes me laugh.



:D
And then the Top 20 was announced on So You Think You Can Dance last night, and they all performed, and it was amazeballs! Such a strong group. And the format this year is really great, the stage is a nice combo of the old set and the new one, Mary Murphy is back, and it's going to be a great season.

So the day finally ended on a moderately high note, but it would've been really awesome if we hadn't been exposed to all that nastiness in the first place. Hmph.