Until the world ends

I had a Scarlett O'Hara moment last week. Dead or alive, I vowed, I was NOT leaving Portland. If I had to marry some random dumb schmuck, if I had to twist MrMissT's arm into letting me live with him, if I had to work 3 jobs, I would do it. The worst thing anyone can do to me is to force me to do something against my will. This isn't just wearing an outfit I hate, or going to someone's house for dinner. This is leaving the place that means most to me, in this country anyway. Every time I think I have the answer, though, something pulls me back down. The dogs. MrMissT would not help me care for them, and if I lived alone they would be alone all day with no one to let them out. Daycare (yes, they have daycare for dogs) is expensive, plus they don't get along with most other dogs, oh and let's not forget that I have no car to transport them anyway. Screwed!

I need my mom to watch them while I work. So, no matter what brilliant idea I have, it always comes back to them. It's almost funny. The things that mean most to me are the very things trapping me. At least with children you can explain things to them, make them understand the situation. You can't do that with dogs. Trapped. A storm of emotions is constantly swirling within me, none of them pleasant. In the pit of my stomach I feel certain that if I leave Portland I will never find my way back here again. And no amount of optimistic advice will change that.

I find escape where I can. I snatched up every Gena Showalter book the library had on Saturday. Sure, I've read them all, but I'm picky when it comes to romance authors, and I love her books. And Game of Thrones was on yesterday! That didn't go so well, though. I was 10 minutes late last night, so I started watching it through my DVR as it recorded. Neighbors kept making a ridiculous amount of noise outside, and as a result the dogs barked maniacally. I had the closed captioning on, but most of the insanity took place while Varys spoke to Ned Stark, and then again when Varys and Littlefinger were talking, which was very important! I was so pissed, I almost opened the door to scream at the jerks outside, but resisted. Then, 34 minutes in, the recording just stopped. Stopped! Maybe it's a fluke, I thought. So I started over. Stopped again. You've got to be kidding me. So I waited for the next time it aired. Finally, success! But, with all the attempts, I ended up having to see that horse lose its head 3 FUCKING TIMES!!!!!! *sigh*

Each week we get 3 free music downloads through the library. I've been using these to build my Christmas music collection, but I'm sad today, what with everything on my mind, and I'm not feeling particularly jolly. Screw the holidays, I thought. Get some pop! Lack of thought and depth, with a beat! I got 3 songs from Britney Spears' new album. I'm listening to them right now, actually. And I make no apologies!!!!


The basil plants all died. Two of the thyme sprouts kicked the bucket yesterday, but the other 4 are hanging on. The radishes are kicking ass, though. They'll be ready to harvest this weekend. And the lettuce (lettuces?) are doing very well. Tomato plants... eh. Yesterday MrMissT presented us with a small watermelon... from Mexico. *frown* Hmph.

Is anything going right? Yes, one thing. Lentil tacos. What? I know, sounds gross. I hate lentils. Hate! Isa Chandra posted a recipe for ancho lentil tacos on the PPK, which both repulsed and intrigued me. I decided to try it. I took the lazy way out, though, and just used a taco seasoning packet. I made refriedish black beans to go with, and the result... is surprisingly good. Yay, that means I don't have to shell out money for processed soy crumbles anymore! :D

There. Let's end it on a high note. Lentil tacos FTW!