Thursday, February 24, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
Double up on misery, it saves time!
Due to the fact that I am not gainfully employed AND have yet to sell a novel, much less write one, I am broke. Effective tomorrow, the bank I've had an account with since before leaving Florida will no longer offer free checking. This is problematic because a $12 monthly fee is a fortune to me given my current circumstances. At some point I intend to be able to afford such a luxury quite easily, but right now I just can't do it. I've been left with no choice but to close my account.
My stomach churning with self-loathing and a headache spawned by the horrors of failing at life in general, I made sure my makeup and hair looked extra nice today. Just because a lady is slipping into a black hole of nothingness does not mean she can't do it looking fabulous! It's a double negative, I know, gimme a break. When I was finally all shiny and pretty I dragged myself to the car and made the short drive over to the nearest branch. There wasn't anything good on the radio, which should've been a sign of things to come. This was going to suck, I just wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. :(
The bank was slightly busy. Usually when I've gone before there were mostly women working, whereas today men were dominating the landscape. This made things even worse. Somehow I felt that a woman would be a little more understanding and sympathetic, which doesn't matter because it's not like they care either way, I'm just being silly. The nice lady teller asked me to wait a moment, and then a man called me over to his desk so he could help me. This is when things really started to get critical.
Mr. Bank Man was easily one of the handsomest guys I've ever conversed with. I am not exaggerating. He was really tall, had dark hair and dark eyes, a gorgeous face, nice hands, really sexy voice, he was wearing a vest over his shirt and tie (I like that), and he had a very friendly demeanor. He was slick with the open-ended questions as he worked and talking to him felt absurdly natural. Keep in mind that I don't often talk to people, as I don't often even like people, so this guy was that good. As he gave me what was left in my account and my receipt, he closed with, "If you need anything else, you know where to find me." I need something from you, Mr. Hottie Bank Dude, but it has nothing to do with banking. It's a transaction of a very different (intimate!) variety. Ba-dum-zing!
I walked in a cloud of lustful confusion back to the car. What had just happened? Why did I tell that guy so much about myself?? Now not only have I lost my checking account, I've also succeeded in letting another human being know just how horrible I am at being an adult! The wheels in my head continued to turn as I drove, and by the time I came home I hated Bank Man for tricking me into sharing. The bastard.
I feel like I'm suffocating under a double dose of shame, hence my doubled misery. I'm tempted to do a parody of a Doublemint gum jingle, but that doesn't seem like a wise use of my time. *sigh*
As a side note, I acted impulsively when I said I wanted to move to Kansas City. Clearly St. Louis is a much much much better idea. Duh!
:D
I know, who the hell thinks about moving when they don't have a dime to their name? Actually, I do have a dime, but that's about it. At some point, though, I will find a way to support myself. I have to! If I can stretch a dollar further there than here, well, it's just good business.
The Super Bowl made me very happy.
Now that the bank business is done, I can happily hide in the apartment for the rest of the week, with no danger of looking foolish in front of dreamy guys. Score! Time to drown my sorrows in some hummus.
My stomach churning with self-loathing and a headache spawned by the horrors of failing at life in general, I made sure my makeup and hair looked extra nice today. Just because a lady is slipping into a black hole of nothingness does not mean she can't do it looking fabulous! It's a double negative, I know, gimme a break. When I was finally all shiny and pretty I dragged myself to the car and made the short drive over to the nearest branch. There wasn't anything good on the radio, which should've been a sign of things to come. This was going to suck, I just wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible. :(
The bank was slightly busy. Usually when I've gone before there were mostly women working, whereas today men were dominating the landscape. This made things even worse. Somehow I felt that a woman would be a little more understanding and sympathetic, which doesn't matter because it's not like they care either way, I'm just being silly. The nice lady teller asked me to wait a moment, and then a man called me over to his desk so he could help me. This is when things really started to get critical.
Mr. Bank Man was easily one of the handsomest guys I've ever conversed with. I am not exaggerating. He was really tall, had dark hair and dark eyes, a gorgeous face, nice hands, really sexy voice, he was wearing a vest over his shirt and tie (I like that), and he had a very friendly demeanor. He was slick with the open-ended questions as he worked and talking to him felt absurdly natural. Keep in mind that I don't often talk to people, as I don't often even like people, so this guy was that good. As he gave me what was left in my account and my receipt, he closed with, "If you need anything else, you know where to find me." I need something from you, Mr. Hottie Bank Dude, but it has nothing to do with banking. It's a transaction of a very different (intimate!) variety. Ba-dum-zing!
I walked in a cloud of lustful confusion back to the car. What had just happened? Why did I tell that guy so much about myself?? Now not only have I lost my checking account, I've also succeeded in letting another human being know just how horrible I am at being an adult! The wheels in my head continued to turn as I drove, and by the time I came home I hated Bank Man for tricking me into sharing. The bastard.
I feel like I'm suffocating under a double dose of shame, hence my doubled misery. I'm tempted to do a parody of a Doublemint gum jingle, but that doesn't seem like a wise use of my time. *sigh*
As a side note, I acted impulsively when I said I wanted to move to Kansas City. Clearly St. Louis is a much much much better idea. Duh!
:D
I know, who the hell thinks about moving when they don't have a dime to their name? Actually, I do have a dime, but that's about it. At some point, though, I will find a way to support myself. I have to! If I can stretch a dollar further there than here, well, it's just good business.
The Super Bowl made me very happy.
Now that the bank business is done, I can happily hide in the apartment for the rest of the week, with no danger of looking foolish in front of dreamy guys. Score! Time to drown my sorrows in some hummus.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
If I can't have France, I'll settle for... Missouri??
My dream of worming my way into France has been gaining momentum over the last few days. I was liking my chances of convincing (forcing) my mom to make the move, too. I decided that I want to stay within 300 km of Paris, which left me with oodles of options. The weather sounds nice, the scenery is lovely, France is impressive from an environmental perspective, healthcare to die for (more like live for since it's so good), one of the most beautiful languages in the world, you know all the reasons people want to move there. Ooh, and there's no quarantine for pets, which is a huge plus. How could this not be the best thing for me?
Well, it seems pretty silly for me to think of moving anywhere considering I have an impressive lack of funds. Taxes are very high there. I don't have a problem with that at all, if you want a high quality of life you have to pay for it. I simply can't afford it. After a bit of research of people who have made the move, I was practically in tears last night. It's a fantasy, at best, and that saddens me. Immensely. I want to live in Europe!!! :(
In waltzes Kansas City, MO. Huh? See, we were watching an episode of House Hunters recently (that show is so addicting), and a couple with two little girls wanted a house in Lee Summit, which is close to KC. So what? Umm... have you seen the housing prices there?!?!?! They bought a gorgeous house for $265,000. That same house in either Portland or Tampa would've easily been $600,000, trust me. It was swank. The kitchen alone was worth the price. After the credits rolled, we did a little searching of our own. You, we, anyone, can buy a 2-bedroom house there for... wait for it... $50,000!!!! What? FIFTY-FUCKING-THOUSAND-DOLLARS!!!!!!!! 5-0! And it was such a cute house, in very nice condition. I almost fainted.
Having lived in a house for years, and now living in an apartment again... I have to tell you, I hate it. On one side, our neighbors slam their door every time they come or go, which drives the dogs crazy. On the other side, the lady there has marathon cooking sessions and her food processor rattles our walls. Three apartments down, the dog that lives there shrieks all day long. Not barks, screams like it's dying whenever it's left alone, which is daily. We have no yard, the dogs have to go out near the walkway and people are always coming and going, making things difficult. I just, sigh, I hate it. Thing is, I doubt I will ever be able to afford a house here. $50,000 for a house? I could conceivably pull it off at some point in the future. All by myself. That could quite possibly complete me. <3
From a vegan standpoint, I'd fare pretty well in Kansas City. It's not as ass-backwards as I thought it was. LOL. And there's a football team! That's something I really miss, I gotta tell ya. And downtown is very pretty. It has an obscene amount of fountains, second only to Rome. Seriously. It's gorgeous. A girl could do all right for herself. The problem? Nightmarish weather. Year round! And it is still a very heavily meaty area. And there's a bit more religious influence than I'd care for. Mainly, it's just the weather. Within an hour, I'd already ruled it out.
There is nothing wrong with Portland. It has everything I want. Those housing prices, though. Sigh. No France? No Canada (I always keep that one in my back pocket)? No Missouri? I just don't know. The idea that I could actually own my own home makes me cry. So... blah.
Maybe.
Well, it seems pretty silly for me to think of moving anywhere considering I have an impressive lack of funds. Taxes are very high there. I don't have a problem with that at all, if you want a high quality of life you have to pay for it. I simply can't afford it. After a bit of research of people who have made the move, I was practically in tears last night. It's a fantasy, at best, and that saddens me. Immensely. I want to live in Europe!!! :(
In waltzes Kansas City, MO. Huh? See, we were watching an episode of House Hunters recently (that show is so addicting), and a couple with two little girls wanted a house in Lee Summit, which is close to KC. So what? Umm... have you seen the housing prices there?!?!?! They bought a gorgeous house for $265,000. That same house in either Portland or Tampa would've easily been $600,000, trust me. It was swank. The kitchen alone was worth the price. After the credits rolled, we did a little searching of our own. You, we, anyone, can buy a 2-bedroom house there for... wait for it... $50,000!!!! What? FIFTY-FUCKING-THOUSAND-DOLLARS!!!!!!!! 5-0! And it was such a cute house, in very nice condition. I almost fainted.
Having lived in a house for years, and now living in an apartment again... I have to tell you, I hate it. On one side, our neighbors slam their door every time they come or go, which drives the dogs crazy. On the other side, the lady there has marathon cooking sessions and her food processor rattles our walls. Three apartments down, the dog that lives there shrieks all day long. Not barks, screams like it's dying whenever it's left alone, which is daily. We have no yard, the dogs have to go out near the walkway and people are always coming and going, making things difficult. I just, sigh, I hate it. Thing is, I doubt I will ever be able to afford a house here. $50,000 for a house? I could conceivably pull it off at some point in the future. All by myself. That could quite possibly complete me. <3
From a vegan standpoint, I'd fare pretty well in Kansas City. It's not as ass-backwards as I thought it was. LOL. And there's a football team! That's something I really miss, I gotta tell ya. And downtown is very pretty. It has an obscene amount of fountains, second only to Rome. Seriously. It's gorgeous. A girl could do all right for herself. The problem? Nightmarish weather. Year round! And it is still a very heavily meaty area. And there's a bit more religious influence than I'd care for. Mainly, it's just the weather. Within an hour, I'd already ruled it out.
There is nothing wrong with Portland. It has everything I want. Those housing prices, though. Sigh. No France? No Canada (I always keep that one in my back pocket)? No Missouri? I just don't know. The idea that I could actually own my own home makes me cry. So... blah.
Maybe.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Every time I start to write a new post...
...I lose interest almost immediately. I'll just babble today.
Here, I like this song. Listen to it with me:
I've been studying French lately. I took 2 years in high school, but that was forever ago. I doubt anyone in France would be impressed with my ability to introduce myself and count to 100. Like most women, I want to visit Paris someday. In the past it was just an improbable fantasy. After driving from Florida to Oregon last year, though, it occurs to me that I can go anywhere I want. So I will! Come to think of it, I can live anywhere I want. Granted, you can't just waltz into another country and say, "Scootch over, y'all. I'm stayin'!" But if I wanted to, I could move to another country someday. I just like the possibility. And if I do move, it'll be either Canada or France (NOT Paris). :D
Let's get real, though, I'll probably stay in Oregon for the rest of my life. *shrug*
Coincidentally, @LaCuillereVegan (The Vegan Spoon) recently started following me on Twitter. The website is lovely (http://www.lacuillere.com/recettes/recherche?avec_tag=veg2). French vegans really do exist. I know, right?! They even have vegan B&B inns around the country. There's La Petite Gardette in Provence, The Gentle Gourmet in Paris, and La Maison du Vert in Normandy, plus others. I'm just so impressed. Wanna go right now!!!
Now, queue the sound of a record screeching to a halt.
Time to get serious. The Super Bowl is this Sunday and I REALLY NEED the Packers to win. Not a Steelers fan at all. Besides, they've won enough Super Bowls already. I really like the Packers this year. Aaron Rodgers is an amazing quarterback. And I'm hot for Clay Matthews' biceps.
;D Hard bodies aside, I'm just grateful the Jets didn't make it to the big game. If they ever do go to the Super Bowl, and even worse, if they win, we'll never hear the end of it. Ugh. It's going to be a great match, and if you follow me on Twitter, be prepared for an entire day of football tweets. You were spared during the Pro Bowl because it was so boring. You're welcome. I'm not sure if we're going to cook anything special for Game Day, but if we do I'll be sure to share. Maybe I can work in some green and yellow colors somehow.
Aller l'équipe!
Here, I like this song. Listen to it with me:
I've been studying French lately. I took 2 years in high school, but that was forever ago. I doubt anyone in France would be impressed with my ability to introduce myself and count to 100. Like most women, I want to visit Paris someday. In the past it was just an improbable fantasy. After driving from Florida to Oregon last year, though, it occurs to me that I can go anywhere I want. So I will! Come to think of it, I can live anywhere I want. Granted, you can't just waltz into another country and say, "Scootch over, y'all. I'm stayin'!" But if I wanted to, I could move to another country someday. I just like the possibility. And if I do move, it'll be either Canada or France (NOT Paris). :D
Let's get real, though, I'll probably stay in Oregon for the rest of my life. *shrug*
Coincidentally, @LaCuillereVegan (The Vegan Spoon) recently started following me on Twitter. The website is lovely (http://www.lacuillere.com/recettes/recherche?avec_tag=veg2). French vegans really do exist. I know, right?! They even have vegan B&B inns around the country. There's La Petite Gardette in Provence, The Gentle Gourmet in Paris, and La Maison du Vert in Normandy, plus others. I'm just so impressed. Wanna go right now!!!
Now, queue the sound of a record screeching to a halt.
Time to get serious. The Super Bowl is this Sunday and I REALLY NEED the Packers to win. Not a Steelers fan at all. Besides, they've won enough Super Bowls already. I really like the Packers this year. Aaron Rodgers is an amazing quarterback. And I'm hot for Clay Matthews' biceps.
;D Hard bodies aside, I'm just grateful the Jets didn't make it to the big game. If they ever do go to the Super Bowl, and even worse, if they win, we'll never hear the end of it. Ugh. It's going to be a great match, and if you follow me on Twitter, be prepared for an entire day of football tweets. You were spared during the Pro Bowl because it was so boring. You're welcome. I'm not sure if we're going to cook anything special for Game Day, but if we do I'll be sure to share. Maybe I can work in some green and yellow colors somehow.
Aller l'équipe!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)